Atheists Diary, Journey, Life

Diary of an Atheist: The Last Search for God

I am here now, inside the chapel of the Eucharistic Lord, located inside SM Megamall. This is my first time entering the so-called house of a god since I became an atheist.

Since entering the chapel, I felt a bit awkwardness, for I knew that this is against to what I believe now. Yet I still continue to enter. Still, as I get inside, the same solemnity and peacefulness of the said chapel surrounds me, and I will still recommend to go to a church if you want to find some peace in the middle of the crowded and chaotic city like Manila.

I’m here now at the back row seat of the chapel. Far beside me is a man kneeling and praying silently. Few people are around as I write at this moment., but I knew a mass will be celebrated soon.

Now, quietly seated, looking for something. Trying to be a Christian once again. Desperately looking for a sign. But all I see are people, different faces, entering the chapel anticipating for the mass.

I still wait… Observing… Searching…

Oh, I forgot! This is the first Friday of the month. They are now reciting the rosary. I see in them the unity while praying. But, still, sad to say, no sign…

As of this moment, I’m starting to struggle for my patience is now eating away. I know patience is a virtue, but, boredom creeps in me, I’m starting to lose hope for my search of the sign.

15 minutes past since they finished reciting the rosary…. still waiting…

Just finished reciting another prayer which I do not know, but still no sign… need to wait more…

10 minutes had passed, the mass already started, I tried to hear it but to no avail. Yes, the celebrant is good and jolly in delivering the sermon about life and death, but still the answer that I’m searching is still unanswered! I’m still searching but this time I know it’s no use…its hopeless..

I’m now outside the chapel, here now at the ground level of the Atrium, writing this last part of my journal, telling everyone whom someday might read this the disappointment that I had… Still, god is nowhere to be found. Still god hides or he really don’t exist…

Still, I didn’t feel his holy presence…

Still, I didn’t see him…

Still…

I’ll just go home.

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About Darc xeD

Sometimes its good to write a lil' story about your life, for it's about sharing the experience you have to the world.

Discussion

3 thoughts on “Diary of an Atheist: The Last Search for God

  1. My own atheistic story… now tell me, where is this god?!

    Posted by Darc xeD | August 16, 2011, 3:06 AM
  2. After reading this, I felt sad. Maybe someone like me makes you feel that way. I hope someday, you’ll find the light. I don’t want to criticized now with your piece, instead, I sympathized your feelings. That’s what your belief now. I really can’t change it now. Maybe today or the time you stepped there is not yet the time having a sign, but I am still eager that sign will come your way SOON….. I missed the YOU!!!

    Posted by brookesfaces | August 15, 2011, 4:27 AM

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"Sometimes, it's good to write a lil' story about your life, for it's about sharing the experience you have to the world." - Frederick Bolastig
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